Barraki Prank Calls
by Falcon-Cat
Summary: AU. The Barraki decided to prank call the Piraka. Rated: M for foul language.


Disclaimer: BIONICLE characters belong to Lego. This story takes place in a alternative universe. The characters here speak mainly English. And this story does not play by the rules of the oringal BIONICLE.

Content disclaimer: This story is rated: M for offensive language!

* * *

Ehlek picked up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

The Piraka are standing on the tendering side of the counter in a bar. "I'll like to have some vodka," Kraata-Kal ordered and suddenly the phone starting ringing. 

"I'll get it," Hakann declared and pickup the phone while Vezok poured some vodka for Kraata-Kal. "This is Piraka Bar, Hakann speaking," Hakann said through phone.

* * *

"Is Bot there?" Ehlek asked through while the others are listening closely.

* * *

"Bot?" Hakann confusedly asked back through the phone.

* * *

"Last name Head," Ehlek added through the phone while the others are listening closely.

* * *

"Hold on a minute," Hakann said through the phone and covered the mic with his other hand while facing the bar. "Phone call for Bot! Bot Head!" Hakann shouted and the rest of the bar started laughing. _"What the hell? Bot Head sounds like Butt…" _Hakann thought. "Wait a minute!" Hakann said harshly through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" He added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to put a bullet in your head!" Hakann shouted threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Ehlek and the others are laughing hard, a moment later Ehlek hung up and Pridak walked to the phone. Pridak pickup the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

Back at the bar the phone suddenly started ringing and Avak pick it up. "This is the Piraka Bar, what can I do for you?" he asked through the phone.

* * *

"Hi, I'm calling for Kahn, last name Dumb," Pridak replied.

* * *

"Hold on a minute," Avak said through the phone and place his on the mic while facing the bar. "There's a call for Kahn Dumb! Kahn Dumb! Is there a Kahn Dumb in the bar?" Avak asked loud and crazily, then everyone else starting laughing. 

"We don't want to know about condoms being here," Devastator remarked and the laughing continues.

"Hey wait a minute!" Avak snapped through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" He harshly added. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to nail you to a cross and shoot you head to toe with my machinegun! Then I'm going to shove a spear in your throat!" Avak yelled threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Pridak hung up the phone while he and the others are laughing. "So who wants to go next?" Pridak asked. 

"I'll go next," Mantax said and walked to the phone. Mantax pickup the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

Reidak poured some beer into a glass cup and handed it to Airwatcher. 

"I would like some beer," Ancient ordered and suddenly the phone started ringing.

"Hold on a sec," Reidak said and pick up the phone while Zaktan start pouring some beer into a glass cup. "Reidak of the Piraka Bar speaking, how can I help you?" he asked through the phone.

* * *

"I'm calling for a Siss, first name Hex," Mantax replied through the phone.

* * *

"Let me check," Reidak said through the phone before placing a hand on the mic and turning to face the bar. "Phone call for Hex Siss! Is Hex Siss here?" Reidak callout and the whole bar started laughing. 

"Hexxus doesn't exist you idiot, he's nothing more than a monster who is worst than Irnark," Hakann remarked and the laughing continues.

"Wait a minute!" Reidak snapped through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "Listen here you no good dirty rotten pig stealing son of bitch! When I get my hands on you, I'm going to chain you to a road and run you over with an eighteen-wheeler!" Reidak shouted threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Mantax and others started laughing while he hung up the phone. A moment later, Takadox walked to the phone, he picked up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

Back at the bar the phone suddenly started ringing; Zaktan walked to the phone and pick it up. "This is the Piraka Bar," Zaktan said through the phone.

* * *

"Hi, can I talk to Ahlik, middle name Elie, and last name Fentdiks?" Takadox asked through the phone.

* * *

"Hold on a sec," Zaktan said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the bar. "Ahlik Elie Fentdiks! Ahlik Elie Fentdiks! Hey I lick elephant dicks!" Zaktan shouted and the rest of the bar started laughing. "Hey wait a minute!" Zaktan shouted angrily through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to shove a knife in your throat!" Zaktan yelled through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Takadox hung up the phone while he and the others are laughing. A moment later, Kalmah picked up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

"More vodka please," Kraata-Kal ordered and the phone suddenly started ringing. 

Thok walked to the phone and picked it up while Hakann is pouring vodka into a glass. "This is the Piraka Bar, Thok is speaking," Thok said through the phone.

* * *

"Can I speak with Nig?" Kalmah asked through the phone.

* * *

"Nig?" Thok asked back confusedly.

* * *

"Last name Gor," Kalmah added through the phone.

* * *

"Let me see," Thok said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand. "Nig Gor! Nig Gor! One of you has to be a Nig Gor!" Thok called out loud. 

"Don't look at me," Vezon muttered.

"Wait a minute!" Thok shouted harshly angrily through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to shoot a bullet up your ass!" Thok yelled threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Kalmah hung up the phone while he and the others are laughing. A moment later, Carapar picked up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

"Beer please," Prototype ordered and suddenly the phone started ringing. 

"I'll get the phone," Vezok said, walked to the phone and pick it up while Reidak handed Prototype a bottle of beer. "This is the Piraka Bar, what can I get you?" Vezok asked through the phone.

* * *

"Hi I'll like to talk to someone name Ass, last name Whole," Carapar replied.

* * *

"Let me see," Vezok said before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the bar. "Phone call for Ass! Ass Whole! Is there an Ass Whole here!?" Vezok hollowed out and the bar started laughing. 

"Asshole, everyone calls me an asshole," Kraata-Kal remarked.

"We call each other assholes," Devastator said. "No one real name is asshole," Devastator remarked and the laughing continues.

"Wait a minute!" Vezok yelled through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to throw you into the sewer with your limps tied to iron weights so you will sink straight to very bottom of the sewer! Then I'm going to fill up the sewer and make sure you'll drown!" Vezok yelled threateningly the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Carapar and the others are laughing while he hangs up the phone. 

"Me go next," Nocturn exclaimed, walked to the phone, picked it up and dialed a number.

* * *

Back at the bar, the phone suddenly started ringing; Reidak walked to the phone and picked it up. "This Reidak of Piraka Bar, how may I help you?" Reidak asked through the phone.

* * *

"Me calling Pussies, Seymour Pussies," Nocturn replied through the phone.

* * *

"Let me check," Reidak said before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the bar. "In there a Pussies here? Seymour Pussies! Seymour Pussies! I wanna Seymour Pussies!" Reidak called out loud and the rest of the bar started laughing. "Wait a minute!" Reidak shouted angrily through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to cut you open and decorate the bar with your organs!" Reidak shouted threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Nocturn hung up the phone while he and others laughed. A movement later, Pridak walked to the phone, he picked it up and dialed a number.

* * *

"Here you go Spinner," Thok said as he handed Spinner a cup of beer. 

"I would like some beer," Vengeance ordered and suddenly the phone started ringing.

"I'll get it," Thok said and went to pick up the phone while Reidak handed a cup of beer to Vengeance. "This is the Piraka Bar," Thok said through the phone.

* * *

"I need to talk to someone," Pridak replied through the phone.

* * *

"Who?" Thok asked through the phone.

* * *

"Prosty, last name Toot," Pridak replied through the phone.

* * *

"Hold on a sec," Thok said through the phone before his the mic with his hand and turned toward looking at the bar. "Is there a Prosty Toot here!? Prosty Toot! I'm looking for a Prosty Toot!" Thok yelled out and the rest of the bar started laughing. 

"Don't look at me," Roodaka muttered coldly.

"There're plenty of whores if you know where to look," Kraata-Kal remarked and the laughing continues.

"Wait a minute!" Thok shouted through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to cut you limp to limp with a chainsaw!" Thok shouted threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Pridak and others laughed while he hung up the phone. Carapar pick up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

"That was as funny as a screen door on a battleship," Airwatcher remarked. 

"It's screen door on a submarine you imbecile!" Vengeance muttered under his breath and suddenly the phone started ringing, Avak went and picked up the phone.

"Piraka Bar, Avak speaking," Avak said through the phone.

* * *

"Hi, I'll like to talk to Pehnies, last name Feeth," Carapar replied through the phone.

* * *

"Let me see," Avak said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the bar. "Phone call for Pehnies Feeth! Pehnies Feeth! Is there a Pehnies Feeth in the bar?" Avak asked loudly and the rest of the bar started laughing. 

"Its better not to know," Devastator remarked and the laughing continues.

"Wait a minute!" Avak shouted harshly through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to tie you to the back of a pickup truck and drag you on a highway over eighty miles-per-hour!" Avak yelled threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Carapar and others are laughing while Carapar hung up the phone. Nocturn walk to the phone, he picked it up and dialed a number.

* * *

"More vodka please," Kraata-Kal ordered. "And this butthead wants more beer," Kraata-Kal added while pointing at Airwatcher and suddenly the phone started ringing. 

"I'll get it," Reidak said and picked up the phone. "This is Reidak of the Piraka Bar," Reidak said through the phone.

* * *

"Me calling Homer," Nocturn said through the phone.

* * *

"Homer?" Reidak asked confusedly through phone.

* * *

"Last name Sexual," Nocturn added through the phone.

* * *

"Hold on a minute," Reidak said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the bar. "Homer Sexual! Homer Sexual! One of you has to be a Homer Sexual!" Reidak called out loud and the rest of the bar started laughing. 

"Don't look at me," Prototype muttered.

"Wait a minute!" Reidak shouted angrily through phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get hands on you I'm going to nail you to a cross and burn you on the cross right after I've crucified you!" Reidak yelled threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Nocturn and the others are laughing while Nocturn hung up the phone. A moment later Ehlek picked up the phone and dialed a number.

* * *

Back at the bar, the phone suddenly started ringing and Zaktan pick it up. "This is the Piraka Bar, what can I do for you?" Zaktan asked through the phone.

* * *

"Hi, I'll calling to talk to Bee-an, first name Lesbs," Ehlek replied through the phone.

* * *

"Hold on a sec," Zaktan said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to face the Bar. "Lesbs Bee-an! Lesbs Bee-an! One of you has to be a Lesbs Bee-an!" Zaktan call out loud and rest the bar started laughing. 

"Don't look at me," Lariska muttered.

"Wait a minute!" Zaktan shouted harshly through the phone. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "When I get my hands on you, I'm going to shove a knife up your ass! Then I'm going to make cuts and scratches all over your body! And after that I'm going to make sure you die the most cruel, slow, and painful death imaginable!" Zaktan said threateningly through the phone before slamming it on the base.

* * *

Ehlek and the others are laughing while he hung up the phone. 

"That funny; like screen doors on battleships," Nocturn remarked and Pridak wracked him on the head with a baseball bat.

"Its screen doors on submarines," Takadak corrected.

"I'm going next," Mantax said and he picked up the phone. "And it's a good one too," Mantax said before dialed a number while the others listening closely.

* * *

"What a night," Kraata-Kal remarked. 

"Yeah right," Airwatcher said.

"I would like a bottle of Polish wine," Devastator ordered.

"Which Polish wine do you want?" Zaktan asked.

"Any Polish wine; I don't care which," Devastator replied.

"You want me to decide for you?" Zaktan asked.

"Exactly," Devastator replied and suddenly the phone started ringing.

"I'll get it!" Hakann exclaimed and picked up the phone. "Piraka Bar, Hakann speaking," Hakann said through the phone.

* * *

"Hi, I'm calling for someone," Mantax said through the phone.

* * *

"Who are you calling?" Hakann asked through the phone.

* * *

"I'm calling for Sax, first name Ohroll," Mantax replied while the others are listening closely.

* * *

"Let me check," Hakann said through the phone before he covered the mic with his hand and turned to the bar. "Can someone give me Ohroll Sax? Ohroll Sax! I need Ohroll Sax pretty badly here!" Hakann shouted and everyone else in the bar started laughing. "I'm serous; I'm dying for Ohroll Sax! I'm really dying for Ohroll Sax! I'm dying for Ohroll Sax badly here!" Hakann shouted again and the rest of the bar started laughing harder. _"Ohroll Sax sounds like Oral…"_ Hakann sigh in thought before went back to the phone. "Wait a minute!" Hakann yelled harshly through the phone like someone who got cutoff on the road. "It's you isn't it!" he added harshly through the phone. "Listen here you no good dirty rotten pig stealing son of bitch who was born out of an elephant butt! When I get my hands on you, I'm going to beat you down with a baseball bat and put you face up on the ground so I can pee on your face! Then I'm going to tie you to a pole with your front facing the pole so I'm can whip your back with fifty-thousands lashes! Then I'm going to cut your throat with a pointy knife! Then I'm going to cut your belly open and decorate the kitchen with your intestines!" Hakann yelled threateningly through the phone.

* * *

"By the way, my name is Cahdok, and my address is the caves a few miles west of the city," Mantax said through the phone while the others are listening closely.

* * *

"I knew you'll slipup sooner or later," Hakann remarked through the phone and placed it on the base.

* * *

Mantax and the others are laughing while he hung up the phone. 

"When they think they'll get their revenge, all they'll get is nothing but trouble," Pridak remarked amusingly.

* * *

Somewhere in the middle of the mountain range, the Piraka are walking; Zaktan is carrying a knife, Hakann is carrying a pistol, Thok is carrying a revolver, Vezok is carrying a shotgun, Avak is carrying a machinegun, and Reidak is carrying an ax. They kept on walking until they stopped at a spot where the Bahrag sisters came out. 

"What are you doing here?" Gahdok asked.

"We're looking for someone named Cahdok," Hakann replied.

Cahdok looked toward Gahdok before she looked back toward the Piraka. "I'm Cahdok," she said. "What do you want from me?" she asked.

"We want to make you pay for all the prank calls you did on us!" Zaktan yelled harshly while pointing his knife at Cahdok, but Cahdok and Gahdok laughed in response.

"We don't make calls," Gahdok said. "We don't have phones," she added.

"Quit playing dumb!" Reidak shouted angrily.

"Wait a minute," Zaktan sigh. "I think we been tricked," he continued and rumbling sounds can be heard until several Tahtorak appeared.

"I think we should make like a tree and get out of here," Reidak said and Thok whacked him on the back of his head.

"It's _leave_ you idiot! Make like a tree and _leave!_ You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong!" Thok shouted like he was lecturing.

"Skakdi; Tahtorak hate Skakdi!" one of the Tahtorak hollowed out.

"Let's crush them," another one of the Tahtorak suggested and all the other Tahtorak nodded, and then sounds of screams of pain and sounds of beating can be heard from above.

* * *

The Piraka were in the hospital for weeks to months; each Piraka plots on getting revenge on the caller, but none of them seems to catches on that the Barraki were the ones who made the calls. 

Complete!

* * *

Disclaimer: I don't own "Hexxus" and "Hexxus" is the villain in "Fern Gully" 

A/N: Any comments are welcome, thank you.


End file.
